You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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