Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
