you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize