Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
