I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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