oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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