We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
