Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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