Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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