I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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