Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
