I think my fart just growled at me.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
