I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
