Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
