doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
