Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
