I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
