Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
