it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
