I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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