Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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