I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
