Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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