Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
