Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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