New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
