I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
