So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
handjob tips. give me some.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
