guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I faked an abortion last night.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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