If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
