singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
