false alarm. still invincible.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
