I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
