she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
