the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
