An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
