Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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