I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
