Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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