Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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