Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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