Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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