My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She bit a glass in half.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
