guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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