did you get engaged???
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
