This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
