but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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