I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
