wat bout pragnant strippers??
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
