im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.