So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip