textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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