When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?