i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.