the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.