I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
