u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy