My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
