Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
