Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
