we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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