dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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