His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
