i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
