maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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