I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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