There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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