the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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