i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
