you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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