Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
