I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
