Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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