It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
