Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
