i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
