She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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