what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
