i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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