...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A bitchslap is in order.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
