He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
