So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
