How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
