she looked like the bat from fern gully.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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