Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
