I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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