Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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