We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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